Mar 29, 2013

Kim Jong Crazy

"state of war"
"will not limit (itself) to limited warfare but to all-out war and nuclear war."
"the time has come to settle accounts with the U.S. imperialists in view of the prevailing situation,"
(All via

You're a tinpot dictator with delusions of grandeur and relevance. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm sure you could probably rattle us pretty good - especially given the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania, who hasn't dealt with anything resembling a real crisis since ... well, ever.

But let's be crystal clear about this.

Your country is 46,000 square miles. My state is 55,000 square miles.
Your country's GDP is $32 billion. My state GSP is $1.1 trillion.

The American people are not likely to accept yet another war on foreign soil due to the actions of one crazy goatfucker, even if you somehow managed to lob a nuclear weapon somewhere in the vicinity of Hawaii.

I suppose you're a little less distinctive than a 6'5" Arab on dialysis, but you don't seem to understand the low-key life. Those punchbowls your generals are wearing on their heads? The brass and crimson and pomp and promenade you've surrounded yourself with?

That shit makes you an easy target. DevGru6 or whatever the hot name of the CoD-kiddies is this week won't have ANY trouble finding you.

But the reality is this: a nuke is, without question or quibble, a Weapon of Mass Destruction. The Pakistani goatroper? He used airplanes, and killed a lot of people, and damaged a lot of property - but he wasn't acting under the flag of any one nation. And he wasn't using something universally recognized as A Very Bad Thing.

You? You've got a flag. And a standing army. And a seat at the UN.

If you use a WMD, the little blob of light that is PyongYang will get much brighter for about 50 milliseconds, and then be a soft green glow for... oh, 15,000 years.

Bring it, motherfucker.


Erin Palette said...

I find it hilarious that Austin -- AUSTIN! -- is one of their targeted cties, because I'm pretty sure that *just* the Texas ANG could bomb the shit outta Nork and be home in time for supper.

Home on the Range said...

Every time I see him, and the expression on his face I can't help but think of the fat, soft little spoiled brat in the grocery store with his Mom whining because he hasn't got the toy he wanted.

Kim needs to realize one little temper tantrum on his part he won't just be taken OUT to the parking lot, his country WILL be a parking lot.

Bubblehead Les. said...

Well,there's one problem with Nuking the North.

It would take a Direct Order from the Commander-in-Chief to do so.

And since it's Obama's "Finger on the Button,"well.......